I am going to be completely honest- I thought that I was a little untouchable from injury/diseases/health issues because I am 100 pounds, in shape and have not ONCE hurt myself physically. Well, that mantra has ended. Roy and I were in Winthrop, Washington on vacation. The picture above is the Northern Cascades- and it is UNBELIEVABLE. Seriously go visit it when you have the chance. Now, to the injury… lol.
We were visiting his family for this trip- and we decided we would go tubing down the river. Now, I love tubing. I grew up around the Rogue River and fishing, swimming and lots of rafting trips. The only fear I have of water is deep water (ocean status), and water I cannot see through. Maybe its silly, but it has always been a fear of mine. Anyways, we were having a great time floating down the river when I realized I couldn’t see ahead of me or plan what direction I need to go to avoid some massive rapids. Well, I wasn’t holding on tight enough to my tube and flipped over. Lost control in the rapids, which were shallow, mind-you (thankfully), and I whacked my knee on a rock. That rock had it coming honestly. Like, stop being a rock and being in the way. I didn’t even realize I had cut my knee to the bone until Roy saw me get in my tube. I felt nothing! I turned around and looked at my knee bleeding uncontrollably, tried to calm my body down from the adrenaline… and assess what the fuck had just happened. It was a span of maybe 5 seconds- frantically trying to get back on my floatie and figuring out where I needed to be to get out of these rapids. Roy kept yelling “Babes, are you ok?,” which was the best thing he could do to take my focus off the fact that I had just fallen off my tube. Words cannot express how wonderful Roy was with this whole ordeal- between taking me to the hospital, dressing my knee, dealing with my pain- and watching the whole stitching and numbing procedure go down. Seriously, I cannot thank him enough. I got 4 stitches in my knee after everything and it has been grueling and extremely painful.
Well, it is 11 days later and I now have my stitches off and am trying to bend my knee. It got infected, so I have been taking antibiotics for almost a week to get rid of any bacteria that was dwelling in there. The infection is keeping me from bending my knee without pain- and that is the worst part. I haven’t worked in almost two weeks because of it, haven’t been able to go anywhere outside or do anything simply because some bacteria decided to make a home in my knee. My knee currently is the size of golf ball, but I am hopeful that this will go away within a few days and I can get my mobility back.
These last 11 days have been the hardest I have ever had- no kidding. Just being stuck inside, dealing with it mentally, breaking down and being frustrated that I can’t do anything about it. Having to just suck it up and deal with it- and convince myself that everything was going to eventually be ok. Endless amounts of The Office (because, duh), movies, music and staying at home. Sounds great right? Well, some of it was. But most of it was me asking my body: why can’t you just heal? I have a life, and I want to go do stuff and you are making this really fucking miserable.
But beyond the pain and internal frustration, I found that I am a really fucking strong person. The whole time we were driving to the hospital, I didn’t cry. I cried after the stitches because the numbing had worn off, and it hurt like a bitch… but I spent most of the time laughing with Roy.
Let me make something very clear ladies: The sexiest and most important trait that a man can have is a sense of humor. Roy makes me laugh every single day we are together, and when I needed it the most… he was there to make me feel better. Physically, this was the scariest thing I have been through. You all know I am a naturally positive person, but this experience pushed me… HARD. I was fighting with my own emotions, my fears of losing my leg (ya, i thought about it… I’m allowed to have my fears). But through all the days of endless tv, waking up 5 times during the night because of my pain, not being able to even take a shower without wobbling, I learned that I am damn strong. And that being emotional is ok. Feeling hopeless and overwhelmed is ok. Sometimes life just fucking sucks, and you have to roll with it. All you have in your hardest moments is yourself and your outlook. And I choose positivity. I got so much support through this whole thing, wonderful phone calls… lots of supportive texts. So thank you all for all those amazing words of encouragement, and dealing with my sobbing over the phone because of my pain and missing Roy. (He has been in Alaska for 10 days on a project). When you think you have only yourself to deal with pain, you don’t. You are not alone and you have to see the light through it all.
I am beyond grateful for not having hit my head on that rock, for not breaking a bone and being out of work for months. I am grateful for my friends and my family who supported me and made me feel better. And most of all, I am grateful for Roy. His endless love and care, his ability to make every situation better and fun.
This wasn’t even that big of an injury- but that doesn’t make it less hard. This experience, this opportunity if you will, has taught me a lot about myself and my inner circle. I don’t regret getting on the river, because it was a beautiful day. We went hiking on the trip, over 6000 feet in elevation… had amazing food and his family has the most beautiful home.
Our vacation was amazing, filled with laughter and love. So thank you river for letting me go through this- but you definitely suck and I kinda hate you.
All I got is my attitude, and I choose laughter and positivity. I hope you do the same in your journey through life. You only get one, so just having a fucking blast. But make sure you hold onto your tube at the river- it will cost you if you don’t.